Closing

I am closing this blog.
My heart have been found and fixed.
But still needs to be filled with love.

The Love Tank

Tank is my heart
heart that have been healed,
and ready to be full again
full of happiness and love

As our lives move forward from here,
I can only say that our happiness in this new relationship will fill up the tank...

I hope this will be the last time my heart will be broken.

It Feels So Right

The feeling of love is inevitable,
It's there I can feel it,

Being with him feels so right.

It's not rushed.

The feeling of being happy.

Not just happy because I finally know who I am and what I want in life,
but being happy and sharing that happiness with someone who truly cares about you.

When he says different,
it's really different.
It's so different.
It's so right!

Baby Mama Drama

Dating a guy with a child or children,
can be tough...

Am I ready to take-in this type of relationship.
A relationship where it involves a kid,
this is a lot of responsibility,
it involves the kid and the mother,
the ex-wife, the mother of the kid,
which I don't care if I say it over and over,
but I have to be involve,
I hope I don't have to be,
Well at some point, she might have to meet me,
because she needs to know who the other woman taking care of her daughter (hypothetically speaking, in the future)
I have to consider all these things that can go on...
I mean, am I capable of taking in a kid in my life,
for the rest of my life,

I am not the only woman in his life,
He had a kid with another person...

Then he said this,
"just to let you know, if we do make it official I promise to take care of you in every situation. I will stick up for all the time and make sure you are always ok. I will promise to make you feel special every day. you will never ever feel like the 3rd wheel. You will be the woman of my heart. I promise you that. I will protect you and make you feel comfortable in every situation. You have my word"

I hope there's no baby mama drama...

It's not official yet,
I'm not going to say that my heart is fixed and healed and that he found it,

I'm just considering all my options,
I'm still thinking,

I just don't want to rush in to things, because I'm still scared.
He's scared too.
I know he likes me and sees me in his future.

I hope what he said is right...

I hope he's the one...

Only Time

Not going to rush this one,

Last year was so fast that we didn't really took the time to really get to know each other.

This year is even better.

This year we will take it day by day,

Time will tell us, when it's the right time to be together officially.

We're not going to rush.

We both know what's it like before, and as long as we're on the same page,
it will happen.

Thinking It Over

Reading my blog from Broken, Broken Part II and my blogs this year,
I realized how I didn't know how to be happy.

I was in relationships, but wasn't really happy.
Dating, but still wasn't happy.
I didn't know how to be happy with someone.
Spending time with them,
knowing them,
I wasn't really happy.

The idea of having a boyfriend/significant other/partner was great.
But was I happy?
I was pleasing them,
I was thinking too much on how not to screw things up,
I was scared that I was going to screw it up,
I wasn't happy.

I jumped in to relationship not thinking.

Thinking it over and over in my head,
why didn't it work out with any of them?

Because I didn't know myself,
I didn't know how to make myself happy.
I was thinking over in my head how to be perfect for them.

They say happiness is the key,
They are right,
Being happy isn't about making the other person happy,
It's by making yourself happy.
you're happy,
they're happy.

Love doesn't just come from "oh I like you, you like me, let's be together...etc"
Love comes from being happy together

Knowing the real meaning of being happy and being in love all at the same time.

Taking my time this whole year,
growing and learning on what I want in a guy,
makes me really happy.

I'm glad that I found myself happy with me,
with him.
I didn't know how to be "me" the real me,
until now.
I don't have to try and make him happy.
I'm happy,
he's happy.

Learning and knowing the happiness of being in a relationship is a great feeling to have.
I don't have to think it over,
I know what I want now.
I don't have to think too much of anything.

I'm just happy being me.

Fight

The fight you're willing to go through,
The fight to have your heart whole again,

Is it worth to have?
Is it worth to fight for love?

Love doesn't just come when you want it,
Love comes from someone worth fighting for it,
Love comes from that someone making your life happy,

you fight for that love to come back to you,

go through that struggle of breaking the barrier, that wall
fighting that wall, fighting to get to that mountain just to find my heart

What do you do when someone is willing to fight for your love,
willing to find your heart,
willing to fight with all the other guys out there trying to steel my heart,
willing to have you in their life?

Fight for that endless love,
Fight for the love you want to have,

Fight to heal that broken heart,
Fight that fear away.

There's hope for love...

The Holidays

It's that time of the year.
Single-dating, whatever

I know people who are single,
we do not want to be alone during the holidays.

Yet my holidays are different.
I have to be alone, for the sake of my heart.

Thanksgiving especially is bad luck for me.
I only hope that my bad luck will end soon,

Looking back at every blog that I have, they all started in December,
because every bad love-relationship experience ended during Thanksgiving weekend or 2-3 weeks after.

Yeah I know it's the holidays,
but if I want to protect my heart and my feelings,
and protect their feelings and their hearts,
I must stay away.

Limit, distance until after.

I don't want to push him away.

No official boyfriend until after the holidays.

I'm still scared.

Persistence

Something to look for in a guy.
Persistence

You don't want some guy to like you, and then when you're not ready they move on to the next one.
You want someone who's persistent with you. He will love you, like you, no matter the time.

Someone who has the patience to want to be with you, to take the time and effort to love you.

I am saying this because it's taking me awhile to feel what that real love "feeling."


Love was taken from me,
thought it wasn't going to ever come back.

Slowly but surely it will.

This guy,
taking his time,
he really likes me...

I gave him time,
I gave me time,

Then is now,
Now he's still falling for me.

Persistence.

On the Indian Rock

As I sit on this big rock looking at the bay,
The last time I was here I was in a relationship.
Just turned 29...
Almost the end of the year,
I'm single.
Dated a few blokes... they were nice, but an asshole

Good for my sisters tho,
They found someone who appreciates them,
Someone who will take care of them
It's so easy for them...

I Chose Love Over Anything

No matter how much I liked having sex with him,
I ended it.
It was fun while it lasted,
He doesn't see us being in a relationship together (what a douche aka asshole)
But then again,
He is right,
Like I said to myself, if you close your eyes and asked yourself,
"Do I see him in my future?" "Will this work?"
Answer: No
Because I want more.

I want the compassionate love,
I want that unconditional love,
the happy love

I think we all prefer that.
We all want to be happy with that person we are with.

Love vs Sex

Sometimes, you just have to let it be...

"We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we're together, because we're scared to see each other with someone else." - Doing It Wrong, Drake
That is how it is...
There's no more love, no such thing as love.
How can you not over-think, when all you do is think about him when you're not with him.
You think about the sex you had with him, The memories you had made,
Thinking about him thinking about you,
Thinking if this is just sex and/or love, or will there be love

Is it love,

Is it sex,

It's up to you on what you want.

Let's just hope that he stays with you and realize that you're the one for him.

Options

Perks of being single, you keep your options open.
Meaning, I can still date/meet different fellas.

Why not? They're probably doing the same thing.
If someone says, they just want to hangout, kick-it...
Then, that is all they want to do,
Nothing serious there.
If they want to just have fun and sex,
Then, that is all they want to do.

So what should you do?
Keep your options open.
Keep all the strings,
Don't get them twisted tho,
or else you will have to cut them all.
One will tied it all up for you, one day.

What's in the Past

Moving on is easy, but what you left behind is what's hard.

You breath,
you have exhaled, because you just got out of a relationship where you felt unhappy.
You have escape the love life that you thought was there, but it wasn't.

Then you come to realize,
Did I make that right decision?
You say to yourself, I still love him/her,
I do miss him/her.
Also,
If I keep an item (ie dog), it will remind me of her/him.

You will have the past in your life.
But,
It's how you handle the past is what's important in determining your future,
your happiness,

If you want to be with your new gf/bf now, and they make you happy,
then you have at least 1 clue in to your future,

If you close your eyes, again and again,
and picture yourself with the person who you are with,
and you see them in your life,
then there's another clue in to your future.

But if you close your eyes,
and you see your past,
then you haven't forgotten your past life,
you haven't left it behind,
you haven't moved forward,

If you haven't moved forward,
Do yourself and the person you are with a favor,
and end it.

Find yourself,
Find what you want and what you love,
and what makes you happy,
before including someone from your present/future into your past.

Forgive yourself,
Forgive him/her,

Forgive and Forget
The past will always be there,
Past is what we call, a lessoned learned.

Dedicated to those who's trying to move on!

Keep Moving Forward!

Single/Alone Part III

As I ate alone with my crab cake, beef super nachos, and fish n chips

I have realized a lof of different things, from this weekend's hike/wedding to sitting alone during dinner,

I am alone!
I am single and alone!

You imagine yourself sitting with someone, your significant other right in front of you,
sharing the food you just ate,
talking about endless of fun topics about the trip, about the hike, future travels, what's next in life...

Being single is not what's its crapped up to be...

We all need that someone, to share that moment with, to experience what you experience,
the good and the bad,
the obstacles of what having a partner is all about...

And I want that...

Its fun, but only for a while...

There are all these guys, but why can't all of them commit.

Forever Hiking

He will always be forever my hiking friend,
No matter how much we talk or text,
He will just be a friend.

We will hike through different mountains,
Go through different obstacles of hills,
Go through different waterfalls...

Until we get to the other side of the mountains, hills and waterfalls,
for now experiencing them and going through each one is fine...

We're just hiking,
what's wrong with that...
He doesn't have to do anything with me, but hiking.

Go through hiking...

It's Tough liking Someone!

It's so easy to like someone,
but it's also so hard to get them off your mind

For some people it's easy,
because they have everything,
they have the whole package...

For someone like me,
it's hard,
it's hard to like someone,
get your hopes up,
then be disappointed.

And then you talk,
have great conversation,
then you like it,
then you just end up being their friend.
Another friend.

Now What?!

So you go on dates,
So you talk, text, chat online, snapchat, OoVoO, skype, hangout, etc...
Then you go on dates,
you go on one date,
Then what?!

What does it all mean?
Does it mean, he likes me,
when will you get another call, or another text...
How do you know?!

The wait of anticipation,
the hope that he may like you the same way,
the hope for another date...
is the what?

The "what now" or "now, what?" ???

What has this come to?

Because I can Like You

No matter how far away we are from each other,
I will always like you,
I will always have that feeling of wanting you,
that feeling,
the feeling of butterflies,
to want someone so bad that it hurts,

And the only way I can move on is if you we're with someone else,
or if you're with me,
then maybe there can be more thank me liking you!

The Knowing

Love unhealed,
life reciprocated,
love reciprocated,
feelings reciprocated,

Knowledge is pain,
That's why it hurts to know

Love reciprocates every time,
It's like karma,
They did it to you,
you do it them.

Knowing the truth that they don't like you,
or they're not into you,
hurts
It's like another stab or a cut that they implemented on your heart,
or that you implemented on your heart.

The truth of the matter is,
you have control of the matter,
you can control what you want to feel,
and what you don't want to feel,
especially about love.

You avoid them,
you push them away,
so that you don't have to get to that feeling of rejection,
of that broken, stabbed, a cut on your heart.
You have to numb it, so you don't feel it.

To know is to understand,
To understand love,
you must know love.

Dream Dream Dream

Dreaming
The whole experience is just a dream,
The idea of him is just a dream,

How can I call him or communicate with someone so far away,
He wants to explain, an explanations?
Is that necessary, do I have to hear what he has to say to me?
I've been there,
I've heard what every single guy have said to a girl, to me.
I've heard it all.
They'll make excuses, when all they have to say is, "I'm just not that in to you"

It's just never real.
Never real to dream, to want to dream about someone you like,
and knowing that it's never going to come true.
The next time I see him will probably be on stage...

So close, still yet so far

a dream to want him so bad